me: *eats cookie dough*
some weak ass person: “you’ll get salmonella poisoning!!!”
Oh, but I’ve always loved the lullaby of thunderstorms.
now it is both scary and comforting.(via gryffindos)
i feel like every video game has “that annoying underwater level”
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
"women shouldnt have leg hair" haha nice try you fucking piece of shit youre just afraid minell be longer than yours this is a contest and im in it to win it
its not a sex toy mom, its a sex action figure
You know you did great when they don’t need you anymore…
This is why we can’t have nice things